Moving Sucks.

“Hey has anyone see my towel in the last two days?”


Moving is a pain in the ass, no matter the distance. Obviously, different challenges arise when you uproot yourself a mile versus a thousand to be sure.


Each begin with what’s called the gradual stage. It starts a month out. Non-essentials are slowly, and meticulously packed up piece by piece until they are neatly stacked in the back of the spare room. If you’re really on top of your shit, every box will be labeled.


Then about a week out, comes the serious phase. Everything but the day-to-day necessities get boxed, tubbed, or toted up. You’ll probably run out of boxes in this phase. It’s a real pain. Luckily you know someone who works in retail and can score you some okay-sized cardboard boxes. Some may smell like old produce– that just comes with the territory. Some assembly may be required too, so you’ll need to get packing tape too. BEWARE THE DUST in the serious phase. It’s a sinus killer. You lose sleep because of things that ought not to have been fucked with will be. It’s like the scene in The Mummy when they open the sarcophagus. Malicious Arnold Vosloo whirlwinds will attack your house and choke you.  


The days tick by, and the serious phase bleeds into the frantic phase. Everything else in your room, the fridge, the bathroom, the living room, under the couches, on the porch, on the landing, in the cabinet under the sink, in your dresser, and the medicine cabinet must get rounded up. At this point, stress mounts and festers, and generally becomes a pesky cloud of thoughts and priorities that buzz around your face like nats on a muggy evening. How did you run out of boxes again? Shit. Okay, bags it is then. You need more city trash bags because, unbeknownst to everyone, your house is chock full of garbage.  


In the next few days, you’ll have some questions due to the frantic phase. Like, why were your socks packed with your dry goods? Where did this lava lamp come from? And, how did the tape come off the gold bond powder bottle and dust all of your sneakers?  


Slowly but surely you’ll settle in into the new digs. Maybe alone. Maybe with friends– depending on where your are in life. You can rebury the horror and stress that packing induced for another year or two or five, while you struggle to make ends meet. Such is the way.  


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s