I stalk you on Facebook because…

I stalk you on Facebook because I want so badly for something to change. For things to be different. I check up on you every day. Scroll through your pictures; I like the one with you and your dog on the beach. Not like that though. The way you smile: You light up the picture.

 

If I go back far enough, I get to the pictures of us. We looked happy. That’s back when you had those braces. Remember? You hated those fucking things. You barely smiled for those two years except for when it was just you and me. Then you cut loose.

 

I look back at your statuses. They’re banal and unimportant; Youtube links and song lyrics, but just the fact that they’re from you makes them, I don’t know, special.

 

I almost left some birthday wishes on your wall the other day. I saw a bunch of others do it. I can’t really explain why I didn’t. I should’ve. Maybe, it’s because I’ve already been keeping your memory alive everyday. If I came out and made a post with all the others, I don’t know, it would’ve felt fake. That’s not the right word for it though. I would feel like I’m just another person and you were another girl. I know we had something more than that. We were best friends for years, and then college happened. You went your way and I, mine.  

 

I’m probably going to keep stalking you on Facebook, waiting in vain for something to change. I know it won’t. Maybe your parents will take your page down. I’ll probably both rejoice and weep that day. I know it’s unhealthy, to not fully accept your death, but I miss my friend.

 

Prompt: I stalk you on Facebook because…

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