Epic of Chad

The legend of The Chad begins one fateful summer’s eve.

With a boy by the last letter J and the first one T.

He was at his grandmother’s house finishing a plate of spaghetti

When his cellphone rang, it was Captain Buck: “Come play frisbee”


So off he went and packed his bag.

Shorts, socks, and his ultimate swag.

“I’m going early. See you later Gram”

“Don’t forget your sunscreen”  Okay, yes ma’am.


Off he went towards Middlebury college

The hour drive posed no challenge

In front of a setting sun, beers in the back, he felt mighty festive

He sent his captain the “omw” message


Twilight was upon him when he pulled into the lot.

Next to the trailer park student housing mods

He was greeted by smiling faces. Some new, some not.

They handed him a beer, opened their door, and said “C’mon”


T.J. knocked two back before the show: Matt and Kim.

“Drink up and let’s go. It’s a free show.” said the Midd Kids.

Afterwards Ronathin threw down the push up gauntlet to some random squids

Confidence abound– he’d obviously been hitting the gym.


Liquor and haziness follows at the trailer park after party

A long day at work had left him quite sleepy.

And several missed calls from New Jersey.

He awoke in the wee hours of morning more than a bit groggy.


Out he burst into the cool summer air.

“Shit” he yelled– his car alarm began to blare.

And now we reach the heart of this affair

New friends approached T.J. in the middle of the night without a care.


“Hey dude. You want to go sleep in the organic garden?”

“Sure” T.J. responded still feeling the Blue Ribbon

“We’ll call you The Chad,” they bargained.

“Works for me,” and with that, their journey started.


So they made their way, seven altogether.

A mile or so through high grasses– a true adventure.

By the light of the moon, atop the hill sat their treasure.

Dusty, and full of bugs, they nevertheless entered.


A light rain began to fall

And soon light snores floated above them all

Dawn snuck up on The Chad just as had like the alcohol

Quietly he rolled his bag and did his best to recall


Sunlight was peeking over the pines when he got back

In the mods his compadres were sardined in the sack

They awoke and worked out last night’s playback

When The Chad recalled his night they looked at him like: “You maniac”


Their day of frisbee was long and plentiful

Teams from Vermont proved to be tough and technical

Still nobody believed Chad’s story acceptable

Opting for a drunkard’s nonsensicals


Until that evening with all huddled around the T.V.

It was the Stanley Cup finals: some assholes vs. the B’s

When Chad retold the story one final time to a room full of “pssh, please.”

Suddenly, the door opened. One keg, two bros, and reality.


“Yo, it’s the Chad, Where did you go this morning?”

The room went quiet, eyes were widening.

“Sorry guys, had to meet the rest of the team” he said yawning.

He grew a shit-eating grin– The Chad was soaring.


Some say Chad’s ego grew three times as large that day

He tried shotgunning and disc chugging after dinner they say

And threw up on the host’s porch in the warmth of late May

Years later he grandfathered a host of children just by the way


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