What’s the deal with Dick Pics?

I spent too much time today thinking about dick pics. I admit it’s not how I envisioned spending this Sunday; I planned on spending the day staring at my own dick. But, I suppose we must all broaden our horizons at some point, eh?


I’m kidding.


I found article on Reddit about a woman and her top-shelf response to receiving an unsolicited dick picture. (Here’s the article. It’s pure gold.)


For the uninitiated, a “dick pic” is literally a picture of a penis sent digitally to another party. The concept isn’t unknown to me as much as the motivation is.  My first thoughts are of nature documentaries when the a male will do something to promote himself as the best mate for a female. These reactions can range from singing to dancing to fighting. It’s all very primal, and in some cases, funny. But humans, I’m told, are an elevated species. Why would someone send a picture of your semi-flaccid penis to someone they didn’t know? Is it supposed to be impressive? Endearing?


Side note: one of the most metal mating rituals in the wild belongs to the praying mantis. After a female finds a mate and takes his sperm, she bites his fucking head off. Ho-ly shit. The woman in this article does something of the sort, but instead of sleeping with this guy and biting his head off, she just shreds his ego and then crushes whatever future plans he might have had.


After I finished the article and left the bathroom (the place where I do most of my reading) I couldn’t move on from the dick pics subject. I needed to know why someone would send an unsolicited dick pic. KEY WORD being unsolicited. I understand exchanging nude pictures with a partner– although I don’t find it that appealing to be honest. In my experience they only arrive at the most inopportune time– sometimes without warning.


Without being prompted to do so, I wondered what made a man think he should whip out his trouser snake, take a quick pic, and send it to an unwilling party?


First up: exhibitionism. Okay this one makes the most sense. Exhibitionism has been around a long time and it only makes sense that it would also happen online, but even then wouldn’t this require consenting parties?  


Second: Guys actually think that it’ll be a turn on. Maybe once you see a grainy cell phone pic of his dick that, BAM, you’ll be hungering for a big ol’ helping of that D. Something tells me that this probably doesn’t happen as much. I do think, however, that if the genders were reversed and a woman sent some steamy unsolicited pics that dudes would be all over that. This probably has something to do with how society dictates how girls and guys behave when it comes to certain issues; sexuality being a particularly weird one.


Third: Another reason that I saw in my expansive internet search had to do with boldness. Men who are sexually bold are more successful. As far as believing the underlying assumption of success, I’m wary. But, I definitely believe that the blitzdick strategy carries with it a certain shock value. It’s definitely a conversation starter, even only if she send back an “ew” text. But for some guys who don’t have social awareness, perhaps flashing the ol’ bologna pony is the only thing they got because hey man, girls are dumb and hard to talk to.   


Which leads me to the last reason. Some guys just get off on it. The idea that someone else looked at their meat popsicle and hated it gets them off. I won’t lie, I don’t understand most fetishes, including this one. And, to each his own I say, just as long as noone else is hurt. In this case, I think the argument can be made that someone is hurt. I know I wouldn’t enjoy a random dick popping up on my phone. I also wouldn’t enjoy seeing random dicks when I’m out and about which is why we have indecent exposure laws that say you cannot go around flashing strangers. My question is: shouldn’t this also extend to digital communication too? Now, I don’t want all dicks off the internet, but in cases of pictures being sent to unwilling parties I think there’s a case to be made.


Okay ladies, this next paragraph is for the guys so stop reading.


Dudes, dicks are great. I get it. I don’t know what I would do without mine. But for chrissakes don’t go sending that shit to any and everyone you match with on tinder. If you weren’t privy to the ways of the internet let me fill you in: assume that you aren’t anonymous at all times. Don’t let that dissuade you from looking at your weird freaky shit on pornhub. But be warned, every comment, picture, or what have you can be traced back to you– this includes your pictures of your love stick.


And when it’s not specifically requested, people just don’t want to see your dick. So keep it in your pants.


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