“So what are you supposed to be–A genie?” Aaron said unimpressed. He craned his neck to see the three-story genie’s twisted face.
“Well, yeah.” The genie, Arjevik sounded confused. Normally people who found his lamp couldn’t keep their jaws off the floor.
“Huh, well, alright then.” Aaron muttered.
“Alright then? Not: “Wow” or “My god”? Are you not impressed? Have you seen another genie earlier today? No, seriously I want to know.” Arjevik pouted. He crossed his enormous bus-sized arms across his chest and created a sudden gust that knocked Aaron a step backwards. The two stood eyeing each other uneasily for a moment.
“Well…” Arjevik instigated.
“Do I have to spell it out for you? You have three wishes to use on anything you want. So let’s get going. The quicker we get on with this the quicker I can back to my lamp.”
“Oh,” Aaron trailed off. “Give me a minute.” Aaron turned and paced back in forth in front of the ancient spectre. “Alright. To start, I wish that you’ll grant all of my wishes, including this one, as I intend them without twisting them to your own interpretation.”
“Done.” Arjevik snapped his fingers.
“Number two. I would like you to take human form and work for me as my personal assistant until my death, which shall happen naturally and without any involvement from you.”
Arjevik’s eyes bulged. He bent down to be almost nose to nose with this mortal. “No.”
“Are you allowed to deny my wishes?” Aaron inquired, unshaken.
“Technically no.” Arjevik seethed.
“Well then, my aforementioned second wish stands as stated.”
“Damnit,” the genie raged. “Who are you?”
“I’m your new boss Aaron Shapiro. I used to work as a public defender in Pittsburgh for…oh about four years. For the last six I’ve been working as a neutral arbitrator in labor disputes.”
“What does that even mean?” Arjevik shot back. The last time he had been summoned from his lamp, only escaping slaves presented ‘labor disputes.’
Aaron’s face grew into what may have been a smile. What it lacked in energetic eyes, enthusiasm, and overall sincerity, it made up for in enormous white-yellow teeth. “It means,” he cleared his throat, “that I’m very good at making agreements air-tight. That being said, my ‘last,’” he paused for air quotes, “ wish is for a new set of snow tires for my honda civic.”
“It is done.” The genie deflated– both emotionally and physically. The 30 foot apparition shrunk down to a man in a flash of smoke. He came face to face with Aaron.
“Bring it down another two inches.” Aaron said looking up to the genie.