Sports fans are the worst.

“Fucking homo”




“I’ll fuck you up.”


Kinda sounds like middle schooler’s locker-room talk doesn’t it? This great display of lingual prowess came from my downstairs neighbors after I gave them an ultimatum: Stop throwing glass bottles into the street or I’m calling the cops.


A little context for the situation: In case you missed it: The New England Patriots won another championship last night.


Great. Let’s air this now– I’m a Steelers fan and the last two weeks living in MA have been extra salty.


Anyway, as is tradition whenever a sports team wins, some of their wasted fans decided to trash everything. Last night wasn’t any different.


Not even five minutes after the confetti cannons went off in Houston and big bad Roger Goodell ate shit on television, my roommates and I went out to our porch to watch the inevitable parade of intoxication. Well, we found what we were looking for. From the balcony below us, bottle after glass bottle flew into the street shattering under cars and on the sidewalks. We told them to stop several times– only to be told to fuck off or ignored altogether. By the end of the defenestration our street sounded like pop rocks whenever a car would pass through.


I didn’t end up calling the cops– but I did call the landlord. He drove down in the middle of the night to assess the street. Well folks, he was not happy and promised to make things right. (Shout out to John for being a responsive landlord.)



When I first came to Worcester to attend Clark University, I was told that the residents of Main South (the community that Clark lies smack in the middle of) don’t like us. Now, from a social, racial, and economic point you could probably find several roots of resentment that residents hold towards students. I saw all three in an incredible display of dickeshness dickishness last night.


How do you think residents feel when:


  • They’re woken up at 1 a.m. by loud, mainly white, college students on the street
  • When they need to replace their tires due to driving over excessive amounts of glass
  • When their children can’t walk or play on the street because it’s not safe


The short answer is: anger.


I started writing this with the full intention of going off on Boston sports fans. I’ll narrow that down now as such a blanket accusation is unfair. I know many great people who love the Pats. And, I know some not so nice people who like the Pats– you know the kind: College-aged, more often than not a guy, looks like they spent most of their life in Connecticut, and white.
So to those privileged little assholes I extend these final sentences: Fuck you for hurting our neighborhood. Get some better insults. And, homophobia is usually indicative of deeper issues so you should maybe talk it out with a licensed professional.  


2 thoughts on “Sports fans are the worst.

  1. I think “dickeshness” is spelled with an i, dickishness. 🙂

    Sorry about the trouble from the Pats fans. I swear, once it was over and I’d thumbed my nose at Goodell, I promptly turned it off and went to bed. Quite sober.

    Liked by 1 person

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